Day By Day

I am a control freak. It is both a blessing and a curse for me. For the most part, my controlling tendencies revolve around planning days, events, outings, things of that nature. I have to plan each detail, even if it is just for me. I hate when people say, "let's just wing it." No, no, no. We are not going to just "wing it," we are going to plan it. My friends and family think I am a bit neurotic, and they laugh when I produce schedules for certain outings. I can't help it; I plan because I don't like the feeling of being out of control. So you can imagine my surprise when I was told nine simple words...

We are going to take it day by day.

There are several ways that a person can deal with bad news. Most, and I can count myself among them, cry about it for a very long time. Others, and I can also count myself among them, pick themselves up and cope with the bad news by telling themselves, "It could be so much worse." Then you have people that simply avoid the bad news altogether, and I can't say that I haven't fallen under that category at some point as well.

I can't control life, and frankly, I don't want to do that. My life has never been normal, and I should know by now that it never will be. My family and I have to deal with things that most people will never have to deal with, and while that is not ideal, I don't think I would want it any other way. We are stronger because of our trials, and we find greater joy in our triumphs because of it. We adjust to these changes not because we want to but because we must.

I have to learn to take it day by day.

I plan each day for my job, and I plan time with my friends and family. I have planned my life up until this point, and I have checked off each goal along the way. But I have realized that this is going to need to change. This new journey in my life cannot be planned, and while there are aspects that I will continue to control, at a certain point I have to let go.

There is so much to life that we don't understand, and I think that sometimes I forget that I can't know everything about it. I can curse the world all I want but that isn't going to stop it from turning. I could try to control it, but in the end I will be in a fight that I cannot win. But each day, I have the opportunity to wake up and make it the best that I can. I have the opportunity to live the life that I want to live. I have the opportunity to tell my friends and family that I love them, and those parts I can control.

And sometimes, every once in a while, I'm just going to have to wing it.